My mother has dementia. I would describe her as being at the middle stage. I am finding it extremely difficult to cope with so imagine many people feel the same. I am about to start a diary....firstly to help myself and also hoping to help others. This is my journey and I am aware of how difficult it is going to be.
Today I will give an introduction. I will then update every few days
Dementia has never impacted on my life. After noticing little signs that mum was forgetting I guess I still did not believe it. All I knew about dementia was that people simply forgot things. However there is so much more to it than that. Nothing prepares you for what is about to happen.
As I work I did not seem to be affected by mums illness. Although I would see her most days it was not for long maybe an hour or so.
So I just carried on...there was signs but I just did not want to see them. In the summer of last year the signs could no longer be ignored. Mum was changing...I was busy at the time with work and my daughters wedding kept me very upbeat. We could not ignore that mums mood was changing and at times was very volatile. It was hard to know what mum you would get. I did and still do take it all very personally as its so hard to go through. After all it is your mum speaking it is your mother in body but not in mind. However in my mind it does hurt it does make me cry.
Although there are fun times, where she says the most inappropriate things and she makes us laugh so much. Also to listen to the stories of her past which she talks about so much now, we get a glimpse of what her life was like. To hear her singing to the music when she is a good mood on a good day. I now say today was a good day or today was a bad day.
Some days I look at her and feel so sad she is a shadow of who she once was. To see her forget when someones birthday is....to ask what day is today. It must be awful for her. It is awful for us all. It is awful to see the vulnerability, that childlike state.
I know it will get harder....we can just take a day at a time